Pants
by Pseudo-lux-serpens
Summary: Have Yusuke's pants ever annoyed you? Well, Hell has come to visit, and he shall get his commmupence for his disgusting styles and strange, mutilated hair.
1. Yusuke's Pants

Pants

By Fishy and Dottie

Yusuke walks home from school quickly to avoid being trailed by Keiko. He opens his door to find Fishy and Dottie sitting quite contently on his couch... Dottie seems to be eating the trash on the table.

Fishy: Hey Dottie, eat this saran wrap I wanna see if you choke- oh! Hi Yusuke! How are you?

Yusuke: what the frick are you two freaks doing in my house! I thought I told you to leave me alone!

Dottie: (through mouthful of Saran wrap) Ubufsh? Wubba shima gabba!

Fishy: (looks over to Dottie and nods) I understand... (turns and whispers to Yusuke) I don't understand.

Yusuke: Atsuko! Why did you let them in!!!

Atsuko: (drunk) I think they're cute.

Yusuke: Cute!? CUTE!!! They're abominations! Now get them out!

Atsuko: I thought you were the tough one?

Fishy: yeah, I thought you were the tough one Yusuke? Huh! Huh!!!

Dottie: uffa ladda puh- (drool covered saran wrap flies out of Dottie's mouth to land on Yusuke's shoe)

Yusuke: ahh! I can't deal with this! (goes to call the babysitter, I mean Kurama)

Dottie: hey, I was eating that.

Fishy: FIVE SECOND RULE!

Dottie: Fishy, I can't count.

Yusuke: no shit Sherlock. (listens to phone ringing) wait, are you eating the trash in my house?!

Fishy: she's our regular garbage disposal. Aren't you Dottie?

Dottie: I don't believe in garbage.

Yusuke: (Kurama picks up phone) hello?

Kurama: Hello.

Yusuke: Kurama! Help! Please?!

Kurama: what's wrong?!

Yusuke: the worst thing imaginable. Hell has come for a visit and they're sitting in my living room.

Kurama: who?

Dottie: I CRAVE ATTENTION! (Sniffle) I want a cookie...

Fishy: didn't you hear her! She craves a cookie! I mean I crave a cookie! We crave cookies!!! (Takes one out of pocket. Dottie stares intently) want the cookie? Go get it!

Fishy pretends to throw the cookie towards the window. Dottie leaps off the couch and trips over the phone cord. Pulls the phone out of the wall as she leaps for the window. Fishy grabs her ankle and tugs her back down to earth.

Fishy: ah ah ah! You know what I told you about those windows!

Dottie: but I want the cookie! Where'd it go?

Fishy: (stuffs cookie in mouth) um... giant beavers... they ate it... yes.

Dottie: stupid beavers.

Yusuke: (yelling at the disconnected phone) hello! Hello!!! Kurama, are you there! Damn it!

Dottie: (grabs phone and starts talking) and blah blah blah so blah blah blah kissed blah blah blah so blah blah blah did blah blah blah! Hah hah!

Fishy: okaaaaaaaaay... did you know that one of your shoes is wet? (Shudders) oh my god!!! Why in creation are your pants tucked into your shoes?!

Yusuke: what? Oh I don't know. I think it's cool.

Fishy: you know what I think is cool, how ugly that looks.

Yusuke: how dare you come into my house, WITHOUT an invitation by the way, and insult me!

Dottie: she's right and even I know it. And I don't know much. Like for instance, I don't know anymore what I was talking about, but I know that I knew a second ago. Mm hm.

Yusuke: uh huh...

Fishy and Dottie both move towards Yusuke menacingly and unceremoniously pull the ankles of his pants out of his shoes then grab more of his pants and roughly pull his pants farther down. Not too far down though. Just so they aren't above his belly button!!!

Fishy: Dottie! Go for the hair!

Yusuke: what?!

Dottie: (sticks hand in Yusuke's hair. Hand gets stuck.) AAAHHH! IT ATE MY HAND FISHY! IT ATE IT! I CAN SEE THE BONE! I'M BLEEDING! I FEEL FAINT! (collapses to floor and yanks Yusuke down with her.)

Kurama walks through the door.

Kurama: oh my god! What are you doing?!

Fishy: what? Ooh fresh meat! Eugh, pink...

Fishy stares at Kurama's pink school outfit.

Dottie: I like pink.

Yusuke: I thought you were passed out?

Dottie: maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

Fishy: and what about your hand?

Dottie: what about my hand?

Fishy: never mind. Kurama get over here. Dottie's stuck and Yusuke is unhappy. I'm worried he's going to start hitting us.

Kurama: alright. What is she stuck on?

Fishy: his hair! It's like a cement, except worse, 'cuz it's ugly!

Yusuke: I like my hair!

Fishy: yes well, the rest of the world doesn't.

Kurama: I think his hair's fine.

Fishy: well YOU would.

Kurama: what's that supposed to mean?

Fishy: nothing, just nothing.

Dottie: hey Kurama?

Kurama: yes?

Dottie: I think I have gang green.

Kurama: now why would you think that for any reason whatsoever?

Dottie: (opens mouth to say something) hey Kurama?

Kurama: (sighs) yes?

Dottie: do you think I'm a disease?

Yusuke: hell yeah!

Kurama: you're no disease dear, you're a full blown epidemic.

Dottie: (smiles) all right! But I'm no pack 'a puh-!

Fishy clamps her hand over Dottie's mouth.

Fishy: eh heh heh... you don't wanna know what she was going to say. Trust me.

Yusuke: I'll take your word for that.

Dottie slumps and falls asleep on Yusuke's head.

Yusuke: hey what is this a motel?!

Dottie: Narcolepsy is a rare condition that is virtually untreatable which causes victims to lapse in to minor slumbers at seemingly random intervals.

Yusuke: you don't suffer from narcolepsy!

Fishy: she will and you can't stop her. Trust me I've tried.

Kurama: well, while she's asleep why don't we attempt to detach her from Yusuke's head?

Fishy: I don't know. I'm surprised she doesn't already have his scalp ripped separate from his scull.

Yusuke: WHAT?!

Fishy: well look at the child's nails?

They pick up her other hand and look at her about centimeter long nails painted red.

Kurama: yeah, that could be hazardous to your health.

Fishy: there's only one other option. We'll have to amputate!

Yusuke: her hand?!

Kurama: doesn't she kinda need that?

Fishy: oh no! I wouldn't dream of it. I was talking about his head, what do you think, it's empty anyway.

Atsuko: (peeks head around corner) ooh! Burn!

Kurama: why don't we just cut his hair?

Yusuke: NO!

Fishy: come on Yusuke you're being childish! This is the only way to save your scalp!

Yusuke: I said NO!!!

Kurama: okay so-

Fishy: we're doing it anyway!!! Kurama hold him down! I mean, sit on him! (Giggles)

Kurama: no?!

Fishy: 'kay then, I'll sit on him.

Yusuke: no!

Fishy: then we strap him down.

Yusuke Kurama and Dottie: NO!!!

Yusuke and Kurama: hey?

Dottie: Claps for Dottie!

Fishy: (claps) bravo!

Dottie slides hand out of Yusuke's hair and claps happily

Yusuke: AND YOU COULD HAVE DONE THAT THE WHOLE TIME!!!

Atsuko: if you didn't get so hot and bothered about it she would have done it earlier.

Yusuke: THIS IS WHY I DON'T LET THEM IN MY HOUSE! (storms up to his room)

Fishy: so, Kurama. The pink. And I thought orange was the new pink.

Kurama: well I'll just be going so-

Dottie: BANZAI!!! (Jumps onto Kurama's back. He topples to the ground so that Dottie is sitting on the small of his back pounding on his shoulder blades) HORSIE!!!

Fishy: I pity you, you have to wear pink around Dottie.

Dottie: (puts her slimy hand on the back of his hair. It gets stuck) uh oh... um... sorry...

Kurama: sorry?! Sorry what?!!!

Fishy: well, I guess you're not sleeping alone tonight. Wonder what your mom's gonna think.

Kurama: oh god! Is it stuck to me?!

Dottie: it... it? it! IT! IT!!! (Starts sobbing uncontrollably and tugging at Kurama's hair trying to cover her face)

A/N: see how well Kurama fares with Dottie attached to his head for the night... or who knows how long? Because quite honestly who knows what Yusuke puts in his hair...

DUN DUN DUN!!!


	2. Shower Convo's

Pants

By Fishy and Dottie

Kurama: what am I gonna do! She's attached to me. Can't you pull it out like with Yusuke?

Dottie: huh? No I don't like pie.

Fishy: if she's coming home with you can I come too?

Kurama: no, she's not coming home with me!

Fishy: then what are you gonna do? Let me cut your hair?

Kurama: NO! oh god no. Don't you guys have a house?

Dottie: um... I don't know. Do we?

Fishy: yes dear.

Kurama: I'll tell her I'm sleeping over.

Dottie: slumber party!

Fishy: with your hand stuck on his head. Now, where do we live?

Dottie: I'm like a pigeon. Mm hm.

Kurama: so you poop on statues?

Dottie: no. Well I don't know but I can home a pigeon.

Fishy: oh. I get what she's trying to say. She knows where we live. But how? She doesn't know anything?

Dottie: don't I get wings?

Fishy: we'll get you some fairy wings at the costume store before the party.

Kurama: party? I thought I was just sleeping over?

Dottie: nope nope nope.

Fishy: we'll have to invite everyone!

The three of them rush off to Fishy and Dottie's house. Once they get in the door Kurama almost ran out. It was the oddest apartment ever. There were assorted scarves hanging everywhere. And there wasn't any trash. Once he made it farther in he noticed it was oddly separated. One side pink, the other purple.

Kurama: oh god. What have I done?

Dottie: dun dun dun!

Fishy: not the right time dear. You say that after the evil plan has been executed.

Dottie: okay. I need a shower.

Kurama: well how's that gonna work?! I'm attached!!!

Dottie: just don't look.

A few minutes later Kurama was sitting in a chair next to the shower with Dottie in it. He was looking at the ground and blushing as water ran down Dottie's arm and onto his head.

Kurama: my life sucks.

Fishy: (opens door) I pity you.

Dottie: hum hum hum. Fishy! Get out! I'm showering!

Fishy: (just realizes) oh god! I've seen you naked before but with a guy it's just wrong!

Kurama: wait?! I'm not with her, I'm just in the same room!

Fishy: sure... (leaves)

Kurama: are you done yet?

Dottie: hm. No not yet.

Kurama: and what smells like... like... girly stuff... too girly even for me.

Dottie: that's my soap. (Soap slips out of her hand and down Kurama's shirt) oh poo. Look at that, you're all soapy!

Kurama: itchy!!!

Dottie: (steps out of shower and puts a towel on) now you need a shower.

Kurama: WHAT?! No no! I'm fine really.

Dottie: don't be silly, I won't look.

Kurama: promise?

Dottie: why would I want to? I'm a girl.

Kurama: what does- never mind.

Fishy: (outside the door listening) I'll have to keep an eye on these two. Or... no... (Tries again) I'll have to keep an ear on these two.

Dottie: now how do we get your shirt off?

Fishy: (gasp) oh my god.

Dottie: you just get it over. And now I have to fit through.

Fishy: (shifty eyes) I should have known.

Kurama: I'm uncomfortable with this.

Dottie: it doesn't matter. Now take your pants off!

Kurama: turn around you freak! It doesn't work that way, there's no other way to do this!

Dottie: I don't bend that way! Ow! Just get in there!

Kurama: it's more difficult than it looks! Geez! You were really wet! Look at all this on the floor!

Dottie: I always do it that way.

Kurama: ow! Don't pull so hard.

Dottie: geez, sensitive much.

Kurama: it's just a tender area!

Dottie: geez, be a man.

Fishy: (wide eyed) and I thought she was a virgin. (Barges in the door) okay, I can't-

Kurama: AAHHH! SHOWERING HERE! IT'S ENOUGH TO HAVE HER TO DEAL WITH! (Grabs a towel)

Dottie: hi Fishy!

Fishy: so you guys weren't... like... doing anything, wrong?

Kurama: what? Oh god no!

Fishy: well, sorry for the intrusion then. I'll just go now.

Dottie: bye!

Kurama: you people are weird.

Dottie: weird? Yes I've heard that before.

A little later when they're all dressed. Kurama turns around to look at the two after he pulled a shirt on.

Kurama: what?! What do you have on?!

Dottie: clothes.

Fishy: what? Is there something on me? Is there a bug in my hair?

Kurama: no, why do you each have makeup all on your skin and hair?

Dottie: makeup?

Kurama: well look at you two, Dottie you're pink! And Fishy, you're blue?!

Fishy: well duh?!

Kurama: you two really are demons from hell aren't you?

Dottie: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... no...

Fishy: it's a rare condition... on our skin... and hair... and eyes... we were wearing a lot of makeup earlier.

Kurama: you'd think I'd have known...

Fishy: yeah... especially with all the makeup you wear you'd think you could tell when somebody else is wearing it.

Kurama: what? I don't wear makeup.

Dottie: (glaring skeptically) so you say...

Kurama: I don't!

Fishy: tell it to the judge! Oh and by the way we have company for you. So you don't have to hang around too many girls for the night.

Kurama: what? (Remembers a familiar katana on the wall from earlier) oh god you didn't!

Dottie: (hops on his back) he's in the closet.

Fishy: that's where we keep all our pets.

Kurama: pets?!

Kurama runs to the front hall closet and pulls it open to see a black and white blob.

Kurama: Hiei? Are you all right? Hiei-

Suddenly Kurama realizes that Hiei is being squeezed tightly by a large puffy panda bear.

Hiei: help!

Dottie: Kichi! I'd forgotten about you!

Kurama: Kichi? Is that the panda? Are you even allowed to have a panda?!

Fishy: um... yes?

Kurama reaches down and pulls Hiei from Kichi's grip. Kichi growls.

Kurama: um... nice panda... good panda... (Slams door) are you all right?

Hiei: they scare me.

Dottie: oh, we can't scare you that bad!

Hiei: oh... but you do. TWISTED FREAKS!!!

Kurama: are you two crazy or something?!

Fishy: I have nothing to say to you. Except that I still have Hiei's sword! He he he...

Hiei: damn it!

Dottie: I'm tired. (falls asleep and pulls Kurama to the floor with her)

Fishy: oh... how cute.

Hiei: where is the damn sword!

Fishy: ... ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Kurama: (slaps forehead) look, if you can't see it then you don't deserve to have it all right!

Hiei: what?!

Fishy: yeah, you don't deserve it! oh, and where are you going to sleep Hiei? Dottie doesn't have a bed, she only sleeps on this rug and that newspaper over there.

Hiei: I am not sleeping in this hell hole!

Fishy: well that was just rude. For that you get to sleep with Kichi.

Hiei: what?!?!?!?

Fishy opens the closet door and shoves Hiei right into Kichi's open arms. Kichi smothers Hiei.

Fishy: sweet dreams!

Hiei: I'll get you for this!

Fishy: I'm sure you will (slams door) night Kurama.

Kurama: you're just going to leave me here!

Fishy: that was the plan. (walks away)

Dottie: (snore) (twitch)

Kurama: crap...

A/N: well, if you want to see a picture, well not a real picture of Fishy and Dottie ask us and we'll show you what they look like. Please ppl R&R we know this wasn't quite as funny as it should have been but next time it'll be a whole lot better. We promise!


	3. The Plan

Pants Chapter 3

By Fishy and Dottie

A/N: okay, so know this has been a long abandoned story but we reread it and we decided to work on it again. Or at least for this chapter.

Kurama was lying awake with Dottie's snores in his ear.

Kurama: I never knew there was a hell on earth. . .but here you've proved me wrong.

Fishy walked in, wearing pants with purple fortune cookies on every corner of it, along with a loose shirt a disturbing shade of green that matched her sleep-ruffled hair. It looked all crusty.

Fishy: STOP WHINING, YOU WHINING LITTLE WHINY WHINER. The voices and I can hear you, and it makes us want to kill you and your little pink uniform too. . . and your annoying long vocabulary too. And many other things that are inexplicable evil about you. Trust me. (odd stare) I would know. . .

Kurama: . . .Sorry?

Fishy: You should be.

Kurama blinks confused at Fishy.

Dottie: But mommy, you said I **was** a pie already. . . (rolls over, pulling Kurama's head along with her)

Kurama: URK!

Fishy: Oh, this is too much fun. We really should do this more often.

Dottie: (mumbles) BUT YOU PROMISED ME A CHICKEN WING FOR A BROTHER!!! (throws up hands wildly)

Kurama: DEBOU WA ASE O TAKSAN KAKIMASU!!!

Fishy: (watches with interest) Look at that, potty mouth. I MUST RETREIVE THE SOAP FROM THE ENEMY BASE!!!

Dottie: Oh, god, she's gone to get the soap. She likes that nasty tasting soap. It smells like ice cream . . .

Kurama: Ice cream doesn't smell. And you were awake that entire time, and pulling me all like that?!

Dottie: It smells like purple. And yes, Kurama, sweetie.

Kurama: SWEETIE?!

Dottie: Yes?

Kurama: . . .I despise you.

Fishy: I have returned. . . the rebel base is now up in flames. Fear me. (Shakes fist and holds up soap)

Kurama: Leave me alone, and keep away from me with that soap.

Fishy: Ah, but Kurama, don't you LIKE ice cream?!

Dottie: SWEET SNOW! It's sweet snow.

Fishy:…er, yes, why not.

Kurama: NO. I don't.

Fishy: Yes you do.

Kurama: no.

Fishy: You crave the very essence of it as a primal being. Dottie, hold him!!!!

Kurama: (shrieks) Dottie, don't hold me!!

Dottie: (head in hands) SO CONFUSED! I PLEAD THE FIFTH!

A shriek is heard from the closet. The current fight was aborted for the moment. Hiei walked in, looking very ruffled, and bearing long scratches that looked like the work of a panda. A fat panda.

Hiei: I don't think I want to know what that panda was trying to do to me.

Fishy: . . .but the rebel base? Then that means . . . LUTETIUM!!!

Kurama: I am now in a state of shock and blocking this from my memory. Ah, there we are. . . .

Dottie: Kurama? KURAMA?! (Buries face in hands. Kurama is yanked once more)

Fishy: ah ha hA HA HA!

Kurama: . . . .Wait (quickly devises plan)

The room is silent in awe of the brainpower of the mighty kitusne.

Kurama: . . .I have to pee. Bad. (squirms)

Dottie: (slips hand out) Mr. Peebody!

Kurama: YES! I HAVE THE FREEDOM OF PEEING ON MY OWN! I mean, uh, being on my own. . .but I suppose for now I will be satisfied with peeing. . .

Fishy: Now if you didn't use such long words you wouldn't wet your pants so often.

Kurama: (looks down) Oh. I see.

Dottie: I used to do that all the time (big breath to ready for singing in tune) I'M A BIG KID NOW!!! (jingling sounds. Fishy pulls out a tambourine). . . I am hungry.

Fishy: We'll get you some good nutritious trash. It's all part of balanced breakfast. . .

Kurama: It's not breakfast. And TRASH!?

Fishy: SHUT UP POOP BOY!! And unsoil yourself in the bathroom! You are starting to attract the odors!

Hiei: Yes, please fox, do us all a favor.

Fishy hits Hiei with HIS katana. Unfortunately Hiei won't remember it due to the concussion that ensued.

Hiei: WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?! I know it's near. . .

Fishy: Keep guessing and maybe I will say yes if you guess right. Maaaybe.

Kurama quickly runs off to bathroom after having stared at himself doubtfully for the past few moments. How could he have peed?

Fishy: I suppose we'll have to feed her someday. . .

Hiei: You mean the pink one?

Fishy: . . .no.

Dottie: I wish I had cow wings so I could fly and eat all the lactose I wanted. That's what the media says about being fat. (holds up MTV poster while nodding)

Hiei: Y-

Dottie: HEIFER BOY!!!

Hiei: O. . .kay then.

Fishy: The dumpster, for instance is a good source of vitamins, but it's not cheap as the policemen have been telling us we have to pay for the trash (ramble ramble). . and that is why the green bananas are the WORST to eat. (claps happily)

Dottie: CLAPS FOR DOTTIE!

Fishy: (claps for her) YAY!

Hiei: (at a loss. Does not clap)

Fishy and Dottie give him the evil eye. Somehow the two girls doing that scared him more than one of them. But three that's a different story.

Dottie: KICHI!!! Come say hello to mister super Hiei and give him a great big fat cholesterol filled hug of obesity.

Kichi bounds in. Hiei is tackled and is dragged, kicking and screaming up the stairs, into a seemingly spare bedroom.

Fishy: Vash ish daskh?

Dottie: Ma pantaloons c'est aoi.

Fishy: I'm sorry would you like a cough drop? (holds out a silver platter with escargot. . . in rainbow colors even) We have them in blueberry, mint, cherry, lemon, raspberry, lemon, and periwinkle.

Dottie: Can we get my some flying stuff yet?

Fishy: OH, I'm sorry dear, slipped my gray old grimy mind. Now lock Kurama in the bathroom and make sure Hiei's okay up there. On second thought, just Kurama. Hiei will be fine. . .Kichi and him need some alone time.

Dottie: Oh, fun job! (claps!) Claps for Shishi!

Fishy: (claps halfheartedly) Just go, dear.

Dottie walks away.

Fishy: . . .and I so hoped she would grow out of that clapping thing. Just like the measles, that it is. KENSHIN YOU'RE MY IDOL!

There is a muted scream. Dottie bounds down the hall.

Dottie: His pants are funny colors. They still smell, but not as much. They're funny.

Fishy: Yes, I know, now let's feed you shall we?

A/N: well, be happy. It made us happy while it lasted. . . all five pages of it. Now here are some of our sacred words of wisdom meaning the meaningless crap from out minds. . .

THE MOON RULES #1!!!

And he says he has a hairy back. . . heed us. . .

Let's see how long it takes us to write the next chapter…

Chapter Preveiw: lost in the dark. . . okay not really but take one guess at the character that may just happen to casually and very nonchalantly waltz into the stanza. . . of writing, which we are currently embarking upon. . . only not because we're filthy lotten riars. . .

YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!!!

Goodbye…


	4. Super Secret Guest! Read me

Pants

Chapter Four: Lost in the dark. . .

Hiei gets dragged into a dark room upstairs by Kichi, the lights are off and he can't see. (for the purpose of this story he cannot see in the dark. Poor Hiei)

Kichi slams the door once…

pauses…

opens the door again…

slams it closed again…

slams head against the door and promptly passes out in front of it.

Hiei: What the…?

Mysterious Voice: no one can move his bulk… not one…

Hiei: who's there!

Lights mysteriously switch on with a clapping sound. Hiei claps his hands to either cheek.

Hiei: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH GOD SPARE ME!

The walls are covered in happy bunnies. The insanity. shakes fist

Hiei: THE BUNNIES! THE BUNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Shishi: never mind the bunnies!

Hiei: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS-

Shishi: I said-

Hiei: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS large breath SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another breath ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss gasp ssss… sss… s… ugh…

Shishi: are you quite finished?

Hiei: BUNNIES!

Shishi: Bukkoroshite yaru zo-

Hiei: no I kid. I'm not going to start again. Wait what are you doing here?

Shishi: I'VE BEEN HERE FOR THREE YEARS! All I've had is hell in a basket!

Hiei: isn't it supposed to be box?

Shishi: how do you know that! Anyways, basket corresponding to the two basketcases that live here! Are you with them? like the panda (makes gesture to fat panda) god it's fat…

Hiei: hn…

Shishi: (shakes head) it is so fat…

Hiei: hn…

Shishi: I mean look at it! Those folds! And it has kankles! I've seen it pull cookies out of those folds! Even a squirrel, which it ate! I don't think it even knew it ate a squirrel, I bet it thought it was another cookie!

Kichi twitches in sleep and scratches butt. A flea jumps out.

(Quick and indiscreet scene change to PARTY CITY!)

Fishy and Dottie stood outside Party city, looking rather lost. Fishy and Dottie had acquired sunglasses somewhere. They were pink and purple.

Dottie: (puts hot pink bandana on head) How do I look?

(Another quick an indiscreet scene change to home)

Kurama pulled open the door with a squeak. It seemed like it had been rusted shut on the outside.

Kurama: That's odd. . .it looks like someone tried to lock me in but had no hands and couldn't operate the mechanism so they rusted it shut. . .

There is a loud Hiei-scream from upstairs. Kurama jumps. . .up the stairs. Or regardless, he does jump somewhere (twilight zone music)

Kurama: Hiei! Are you okay?

Hiei: GET THE FUCKING VACUUM AND HURRY!

Kurama: the vacuum? What?

Hiei: AaAaaaaaAaaaargh. HURRY!

Kurama decided that this had to be important and raced through the halls. It was like a frikkin' mansion, although it was so small looking on the outside.

He came upon doors that led to – horrors of all horrors – thousands of other doors that were papered with bunnies that frothed at the mouth.

Finally, he came upon a smaller door and yanked it open. He was very surprised to see what was in the closet. There was a vacuum.

Kurama: Who the hell are you?

Oh, and a girl. In the closet. Not the vacuum. It was there too, though. Just less important to this. Vacuum + girl. Two.

Photon: I'm your friend. Fotan.

Kurama: You mean Botan?

Photon: . . .yes.

Kurama: You're not Botan. Your hair is pink and purple. Not to mention that it's in pigtails.

Photon: What are you talking about Koenma?

Kurama: It's Kurama.

Photon: Yes of course.

Kurama: Is there a vacuum in there?

Photon: why, yes, yes, there is.

Kurama: May I have it?

Photon: you may BORROW it.

Kurama: um. . .thanks.

Photon steps out of the closet. Kurama is shocked by her manner of dress – she is wearing a poofy pink dress with stars all over it. A wand is taped to her left hand. He is reminded of a certain annoying American old movie.

Kurama: Do you. . .work for Fishy and Dottie?

Photon: No. Call me Glenda.

Kurama: So you're NOT Botan?

Photon: Yes I am. . .not Botan.

Kurama: (mutters) skitso.

Photon: Pardon?

Kurama: I'll be back in a second. (takes vacuum with him)

Photon waves goodbye happily. The wand falls off. Kurama walked faster.

Kurama easily came upon the exit door. How odd. When he returned to the base of the stairs, he found Hiei sitting there with a Bowie knife.

Hiei: What took you so damn long? And what's with the vacuum?

Kurama: . . .Fuck you, Hiei. Where were YOU?

Hiei: I was locked in a bedroom with Shishi Wakamaru.

Kurama raised his red eyebrows.

Hiei: What? It's true.

Kurama: Where is he now?

Hiei: Busy with that fat, fat, panda. And the folds of cookies.

Kurama: I'll take your word for that.

A/N: okay… optical nerve

Well, that's this chapter, have fun… or at least,

Wait it's over now so yes… let's see…

Bye now-

Next Chapter: lookout for drunk bunnies and mutiple Kuramas

Yes.


	5. Party City! and a new Kurama

Pants

Chapter Five: The Monumental Fifth Chapter

_At Party City With Fishy and Dottie_

Two girls walked out of the store. The manager chased after them, yelling.

Fishy: Go go go!

Dottie: What are we doing?

Fishy: Currently we're running.

Dottie was carrying miscellaneous items including a scythe (which is scarily enough real and sharp metal), a plastic katana (which was lit up due to the fact she had pushed a magical button at the bottom) a Glinda wand, plates, and a balloon attatched to her left foot with masking tape. She was wearing a black tutu with a white belly dancing outfit underneath. She thought it was wonderful.

Fishy was carrying sporks.

Manager: AND DON'T COME BACK!

The two girls calmly ignore the man to all appearances and saunter off.

Fishy: Are you aware that sporks will someday overrun the human race? (holds up sporks to sky)

Dottie: . . .then what will happen to the rest of the utensils? Like the shrimp fork?

Fishy: Well. I don't know how to put this delicately…but your crappy little shrimp fork is GONNA DIE!

The two girls come to an intersection. The light turns to "DO NOT CROSS OR YOU WILL BE HIT!"

Dottie: OH GOD NO!

Fishy: what?

Dottie: It's KURAMA! He's about to be hit by a car!

There is a red fox about to be hit by a car in the center of the road.

Fishy: (snort)…yeah. (note: this is most defintally not Kurama)

Dottie: KURAMA!

Dottie makes a fantastic dive into traffic. The car skids and hits a nearby office building. Dottie throws out a pink hand –

DUN DUN DUN !

The dramatic conclusion!

INTERMISSION DUET!

Jin and Kenshin are sitting by the side of the road with a small bonfire going. They appear to be singing. Drukenly.

Jin and Kenshin: (at top of lungs) DRAGON-MIKO SHEKSHY! SHE REVEIWED EVERYTHING! DRAGON-MIKO SHEKSHI SHEKSHI!

(A/N: B/C WE LUV U… DEBOU WA ASE NO TAKSAN KAKIMASU MEANS FAT PPL SWEAT A LOT, FROM CHAPTER 3)

INTERMISSION OVER- you may now continue with the scheduled insanity.

and Dottie throws out a hand.

Dottie: AMAZING RUST POWER! AWAY!

The car, which was now on fire, rusted and all the exits were sealed off.

Driver: OH GOD I'M BURNING!

The driver's voice fades off into nothing/death.

Dottie: Whoa, thank god me an' Kurama got out okay!

Fishy watches with furrowed green brows.

Fishy: I always have to do everything myself. And my power really isn't that cool. . . (holds up hand)

A large bald eagle swoops down and lands on her wrist. She shrieks as its claws dig in.

Fishy: NOW GO SAVE THEM U.S MASCOT!

The bald eagle swoops to the rescue and starts trying to beat in a window. The window does nothing except injure the bird. After several more attempts, it slides down the window much in the manner of thrown icky vegetables.

Fishy: Um, yes, thank god for our safety.

Dottie: Kurama are you okay?

Fox: . . .(bites her)

Dottie: WHY DO YOU HATE ME! I just saved your life. . .

Fishy: Okay, just bring the dam- uh, Kurama. Let's go.

Dottie: Good thing I could do that and hold on to all the things I had earlier! (wings, now with several holes, blow in the breeze)

Fishy: How did you do that!

Dottie: DRAGON-MIKO SHEKSHY!

Fishy:. . . yeah, let's go home.

Discreet Scene Change to Back Home 

Kurama and Hiei are reclining comfortably in the large living room, drinking blue lemonade. Photon lurks in the background.

Kurama: This is the life.

Hiei: Sure is.

Kurama: Hiei, I think you're sexy.

Hiei: What was that?

Kurama: Nothing. Why is everything is this house a weird color? My pants even changed color when I . . .had an accident.

Hiei: (stares at Kurama's now green crotch area) I don't think that was the house, Kurama. I think it's one of two things, one being your pants have odd chemical properties or your pee has some sort of odd magical value. It would make my life to have it be number two.

Kurama: At least I'm not attracting the odors anymore.

Photon: So you say. . .

Fishy: Do you think they know we're here?

Dottie: no. They would have complimented my wings otherwise.

Fox: . . . .

Dottie: Don't you think they're pretty Kurama?

Kurama: what are pretty? (notices Dottie) What the hell is that?

Dottie: I know. I think so too. (ignores the real Kurama)

Fishy: Just ignore her for now. Don't worry everybody; I brought the sporks.

Dottie: But I'm no pack a 'puh –

Dottie is cut off by the two evil authoressess.

Fishy: Could you be more of an inconvenient duo?

And the answer, of course, is no. We do try, though.

Discreet Scene Change to a bum under a bridge 

Horace: (drunk) I'm the real Kurama, I'm the real Kurama!

Jin and Kenshin: (join in)

END CHAPTER!

And also, we would like to be normal for a change and thank our number one reviewer, Dragon-miko, because she reviewed EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER! Unlike you other, less cool, lazy butts.

Poo.

thanks also goes to the Kea Jaganshi, because sporks doubtlessly will overrun the human race.

Pseudo-lux-serpens has a link to a thing of Kichi on her userpage bio so go look it up! is fun no?


	6. YESH INDEEDY!

Pants

Chapter Six: . . . YESH INDEEDY!

A/N: Here we are again…we've got our _thinking caps on_…

God. We're lazy Asses. We promise we'll …update…okay, not really. To quote the nerd…"ThisIS an update damnit!" Which nerd I cannot say. But mostly, it's Dottie.

We swear to god. It's not a filler chapter. It's filled with, like, PLOT.

CHAPTER COMMENCE

But first…

Okay. Now.

The party was all set up on a lovely folding table that the two had pulled out the storage shower. There were exceedingly uncomfortable chairs as well. But stylish, of course, like those freaky animal barstools at the Rainforest Café. They were in the trademark purple and pink.

Touya: So you seriously called me here . . . to do "role call".

Dottie: . . .yes well, our brains . . .(trails off)

Touya: You said you needed help with the plumbing…?

Fishy: They needed plumbing!

Dottie: Our brains, she means. We're having trouble with waste disposal.

Fishy: We're just such fascinating people.

Touya: Right. Well . . .I'm going to call role now, and then I'm gonna leave. As soon as possible.

Dottie: ASAP! But really, we couldn't expect any more of you. (Smiles eerily)

Touya: Okay . . ."Mr. Peebody"?

There was a silence.

Dottie: That's Kurama!

Kurama: Damnit, no! But yes, I am here.

Touya: Right-o. Okay . . .Kichi The Fat/Evil Panda?

Kichi: (weird panda lovemaking sound)

Hiei: Mmrrph!

Touya: (checks off Kichi and Hiei)

Shishi Wakamaru: What about me? Me, hiding in the shadows…(twitches)

Touya: Well…you're not on the list . . .that's okay too though. . (Checks off the newly added "Stupid Bakamaru") and…who's next?

Dottie: (raises hand)

Touya: Actually, you're not.

Dottie: But I wanna ride the pony! I heard it smells like pie in saran wrap…

Fishy: Hahah . . .what pony would smell like THAT! We all know they smell like the Rainforest Café.

Touya: That's . . .nice. Um, Fishy and Dottie are here . . . (adds frowny face to the end of Dottie's name)

Fishy: I saw that, and I want a balloon too!

Touya: (adds frowny face to Fishy's name as well) There you go . . . Okay, um, "Horace"? . . .

There was another one of those awkward silences that were happening a lot today.

Touya: . . .okay, no. (crosses out name) I'm gonna go take the metro. Bye.

Fishy: . . .okay, bye now.

Kurama: It was nice seeing you again.

Hiei: Mmmmph! (Translation: He lies!)

Dottie: Weel mish yooo!

Touya: Yeah. Bye.

Fishy: Get going, what're you staring at us for?

Touya leaves, and he goes on to join a Broadway performance. Later, he washes out and sleeps in a gutter for several months. But the rest is up to fate . . .and Kichi.

Photon: You guys forgot me.

Dottie: Huh? What? Did you hear something, Fishy?

Fishy: You should've said something, incestuous nerd!

Photon: uh . . .oh . . .but I did . . .

Hiei: Mmmmph! (Translation: He lies!)

Photon: Actually . . .I am male . . .

Everyone dutifully ignored this. Dottie looked at her shoes. Fishy looked at her shoes as well. Kurama looked at Hiei's shoes, which were sticking out of Kichi's folds of fat. Lovey fat...

And then!

Need I say suddenly!

There was a "Beep!" as the lights went out, followed by the Carbon Monoxide alarms!

Dottie: We're going to die of evil death of dying!

Fishy: Or, y'know, like, Carbon Monoxide poisoning . . .or something.

Kurama: Actually, that's not very likely -

Dottie: I'm not likely your butt!

Kurama: No. .I guess not . . .

Photon: So. Can anybody see?

Kurama: Normally we could see Hiei's eyes because they get glowy in the dark –

Dottie: And how would you know that! Somebody was in the closet!

Fishy: Yeah!

Hiei: Mmmph! (Translation: He lies!)

Yusuke barges inside. But nobody can see.

Yusuke: I'm here to save Keiko!

Silence.

Fishy: Keiko is obnoxious!

Dottie: and not here!

Kurama: nobody likes Keiko…

Yusuke: Kurama?

Kurama: . . . no.

Yusuke: what's going on! (scuffle noises and Yusuke shrieks) holy God! Somebody just groped me and stole my pants! I have been violated…

Dottie: Oh no!

Fishy: what? Are you missing your pants too?

Dottie: yes, but for a completely different reason. I uh… don't know.

Hiei: mrrph mrrrphahahhph! (Translation: somebody has mine too so now I'm stuck wearing my tear-away dress thing!)

Everybody: riiiiiiight.

Kurama: sweet baby Jesus! Somebody got me pregnant and stole my pants! And I don't even have a uterus!

Fishy: are you sure you never had one?

Kurama: yes!

Yusuke: so who here still has pants?

Photon is mysteriously absent. Even though they can't see her. Everybody forgot. Forget. (Creepy arm motions)

Fishy: I posses the pants of steel! Only, their name is Fred.

Kurama: you don't make much sense.

Dottie: do always have to!

Abrupt ending…


	7. T3H 3NDZOR allegedly

So after that last abrupt ending we're not really sure where to start again. So…. Just watch.

And learn.

Dottie: So…. It's eleven.

Fishy: Yup, definitely eleven… almost eleven o'five…

Kurama: So? Is there some random event that is planned for eleven?

Dottie: Your…

Fishy: You know all the gay rapists come out at twelve, you should leave before they go do their… raping… of your butt…

Dottie: BOOTAY.

Yuusuke: Do you really thing I need worry about rapists?

Fishy: Well without pants it makes you extra alluring…

Dottie: Only still not at all.

Kurama: Thank you.

Fishy: seconded.

Shishi Wakamaru: (from the shadows) THIRDED.

Fishy: eighted…

Yuusuke: but you said I was alluring without pants!

Fishy: Yeah, about that… I lied.

Dottie: SO IT REALLY IS ELEVEN O'SEVEN…

Yuusuke: What are you? A fucking clock?

Dottie: No but I ate one earlier.

Fishy: She's like the crocodile from Hook.

Kurama: But he didn't tell time, he just ticked?

Dottie: Are you comparing me to a male?

Shishi: (still from shadows) OOH BURN, he totally just did!

Fishy: Oh look at the time! It's now Eleven o'eight!

Kurama: is there some subtle hint we're supposed to be getting here?

Fishy: I'm sorry I couldn't hear you – I feel asleep because it's ELEVEN O'EIGHT AND TWENTY NINE SECONDS and that's past my usual hour.

Yuusuke: Do you.. just want us to go home?

Dottie: No… ONLY GOD YES!

Fishy: Do you want a goody bag?

Kurama: What's in them?

Dottie: PENIS PASTA

Fishy: Right up your alley.

Dottie: OR BUTT!

Shishi: (in closet) OOH DOUBLE TROUBLE BURN MAN, I smelled the burn even.

Hiei: MRPHFLORGMENTARG (translation: Yeah, you just got verbally raped man.)

Kurama: … Damn. We're in a tight spot.

Dottie: Do you need a diaper or something?

Clock: IT IS NOW ELEVEN O'TEN, THE RAPISTS ARE AWAKE.

Fishy: You heard the man, time to skeedadle.

Yuusuke: (gets up) I wish I could say this had been fun, but it really wasn't.

Dottie: You can borrow my stylishly tight/beige capris if you want?

Yuusuke: No… I think I'm good.

Kurama: I could take you up on that offer? (waggles eyebrows)

Fishy: Awkweeeeeeerd…

Dottie: I say no to this and get your gay loving BOOTAY out my house ho-man.

Kurama: (pouts and gets up) Fine, I don't even want a goody bag.

Fishy: Good because I want that penis pasta.

Yuusuke/Kurama: (leave)

Dottie: Well that was some party!

Fishy: yeah, it lasted one year, ten months, and three days.

Dottie: WHAT A PARTY!

Shishi: Release meee-

The lights turn out and everybody has a seizure.

Except for Hiei. (Because he's being ingested)

THE END

… or is it?

Hiei: MURF!

Kichi: Moo –3-

Fishy+Dottie 4EVA, aren't you happy?

A/N: Wow, we finished this before college. That is truly a shocker ladies and germs. YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS. GOODBYE MY LOYAL FANS.


End file.
